I need to talk...

Unknown

My grandfather died. Of lung cancer. Tonight. I feel like I should've visited him more or I should've been the one to get cancer and die. Like in Guernica, I wish I could have given him my lungs to use. I wish I could've been born earlier so that I could've graduated college and become a doctor and helped him and found the cure for cancer or...I wish I was born earlier and could've gotten him to quit smoking.

My grandma died less than a year ago and my poor mother must be a wreck inside I don't know how she keeps so calm on the outside. Both parents. Gone before they could turn 65. My friend's grandfather's birthday is tomorrow. He'll be 92. It's not fair.

darbie_starpower

i'm so sorry nicole... sorry i can't offer better words of comfort... (((hugs)))

crop51sound

Oh hun, I'm so sorry. I know that sorry isn't much doesn't fix anything...but I know what you're going through, well, kind of. If you need to talk or anything....feel free to message me.

WeMadeShirts

*hugs* I'm sorry it's turned out that way. I hope you feel better.

gander95kendo

Thanks soooo much guys. It does help to just know that people care enough to spend their time typing out a message to make me feel better. It helps a lot.

I mean, tonight I was looking up at the moon and for the first time in my life...I didn't believe in it. I don't believe in anything anymore. I feel like I want to be drunk all the time and not really exist ever.

Augh. I hate "God."

mexico39taiwan

its not actually "gods"fault.its just how life is.everything has to die.i like to think that every person who dies is making room for someone who could find cures for many ppl and save millions of ppl.

banktooth12

i don't know what to tell you. i know that's a hard to go through. i had to watch my grandmother die of a heart attack then watch my grandfather slowly die from complications from alzheimer's. the worst parts was when he would forget she was dead or start talking to her well, the really hard part was when he would regain his sanity and i had to watch him realize he lost her all over again. i wish i would have spent more time with him before he passed. we were always close. the older i got the crazyier he got, the less time i wantedto spend with him. but i don't blame anyone, i just have fond memories.

formerly shades of blue

QUOTE (kujoisbetterthanyou @ Aug 20 2005, 05:08 AM)

Thanks soooo much guys. It does help to just know that people care enough to spend their time typing out a message to make me feel better. It helps a lot.

I mean, tonight I was looking up at the moon and for the first time in my life...I didn't believe in it. I don't believe in anything anymore. I feel like I want to be drunk all the time and not really exist ever.

Augh.  I hate "God."

I am so sorry. I know how difficult it is to deal when someone you care about dies. It is not only heart-breaking that you lost that person but sometimes even so much more when you see how much others miss that person. I also know that it's easier said than done, but try not to blame yourself or do anything self-destructive, cuz you need to be strong for your family and your grandparents would probably not want you to blame yourself anyway. If you need to cry, it's only normal to be sad when you miss someone. But instead of hating or blaming God, you could think about that person or persons in a better place than this rough world we know...hopefully in heaven, resting in peace, reunited with other passed loved ones. In the meantime, you're still alive, you care about people and people care about you. Oh, and God loves you. Peace, my dear.

QueenofthePosers

QUOTE (shades of blue @ Aug 21 2005, 04:31 AM)

But instead of hating or blaming God, you could think about that person or persons in a better place than this rough world we know...hopefully in heaven, resting in peace, reunited with other passed loved ones.  In the meantime, you're still alive, you care about people and people care about you.  Oh, and God loves you.  Peace, my dear.

And also think about all the great things that happened in their lives...their children and grandchildren, the happy times you had with them, the fact that they spent their lives with people they loved. I'm sure they loved you a lot and want you to be happy and (if you believe in this) they will always be looking down on you and your family. I'm really sorry you had to go through all this.

setsumi

Nicole, I'm so sorry. I think I might know how you feel because cancers took my dearest peoples' lives. They were good persons, I didn't understand why they should die. There was no answer to my "why", you know, there was no way to save them from thier deaths. I hated everything in the universe including me myself. Only time could ease my greif and hatred.

Please please don't blame yourself, Nicole. You are important to us, you are loved by us, it's obvious. Appreciate your life, even if it's hard for you to do that now. Please have your grandfather in mind, you can talk to him whenever you want to.

giggleguy

I know this is late but omg I am so incredibly sorry *hugs for three hours*. Me and my friend Max have vowed to cure death when we're older

pencilhail02

It is muchh easier said than done to accept that death is a natural part of life. No matter how many times one experiences loosing a loved one the pain of it doesn't lessen nor does it get easier! But to echo points made before, try to celebrate the wonderful memories of their lives!
Take the time you need to mourn since that is an important part of healing but remember that doing anything destructive doesn't help the cause. God forbid anything were to happen...there are soo many people who care about you that I am sure you make smile daily!

The grieving process is long and difficult but you will get through it and be stronger in the end for it!