In this Discussion
- anangryfish December 2005
- formerly shades of blue December 2005
- mexico39taiwan December 2005
- moveadvice72 December 2005
- pencilhail02 December 2005
- QueenofthePosers December 2005
I Need some advice.
Ok, folks! This is kind of personal, but it's very important to me, so, here goes:
A friend of mine who is younger than me recently started having sex, And only recently before that told me she was smoking pot and that she was bulemic. She won't listen to anything I have to say about any of it, so, actually I have no idea why she told me all of this stuff in the first place. My family has a really bad drug history, so we're all pretty sensitive about it. For very personal reasons, my first instinct is to try to help her, while (also for VERY personal reasons) my father's first instinct was to keep me away from her. I am my mother's daughter after all. Now, I probobly wouldn't be as upset as I am with her having sex if it wasn't for all the wrong reasons. She's not dating this guy. She doesn't even like him. She told me he's annoying. And she says they only do it when they're high anyway. As if that isn't enough, it's not safe. She refuses to use a condom, and I've tried talking to her about it, but she says she'll take the abortion instead...which is dumb. Finally, she agreed to go to planned parenthood with me, and said that she'd go on the pill, but only if it didn't make her gain weight. But now she's saying that she doesn't want to go anymore. I really care about her, and I don't want her to get knocked up. What are your opinions? What do you guys think I should do? And, really, I'm open to anything.
A friend of mine who is younger than me recently started having sex, And only recently before that told me she was smoking pot and that she was bulemic. She won't listen to anything I have to say about any of it, so, actually I have no idea why she told me all of this stuff in the first place. My family has a really bad drug history, so we're all pretty sensitive about it. For very personal reasons, my first instinct is to try to help her, while (also for VERY personal reasons) my father's first instinct was to keep me away from her. I am my mother's daughter after all. Now, I probobly wouldn't be as upset as I am with her having sex if it wasn't for all the wrong reasons. She's not dating this guy. She doesn't even like him. She told me he's annoying. And she says they only do it when they're high anyway. As if that isn't enough, it's not safe. She refuses to use a condom, and I've tried talking to her about it, but she says she'll take the abortion instead...which is dumb. Finally, she agreed to go to planned parenthood with me, and said that she'd go on the pill, but only if it didn't make her gain weight. But now she's saying that she doesn't want to go anymore. I really care about her, and I don't want her to get knocked up. What are your opinions? What do you guys think I should do? And, really, I'm open to anything.
Comments
1. While pregnancy is always a risk, don't forget about STD's--hello, scary!
2. Her excuse for having sex stupidly is being high, so it's all the drugs' fault, according to her...
3. But why do you think she is having sex so young and doing drugs in the first place? If you can answer that, then you can try to help her deal with the root of the issue(s).
Bonus: Ask your therapist.
if not why not..
get her into help with that and it will have a knock on effect onto the other issues
if not why not..
get her into help with that and it will have a knock on effect onto the other issues
Also, her reasoning behind what she will do if she gets pregnant are clearly uninformed and have been made in haste. The best thing you can do is make the information accessible to her...leave a pamphlet laying around, or send her a link to a website about abortion, contraception as well as STDs.
If you maybe try to explain why you want her to seek help maybe that might get through to her. The best thing you can do right now is be support for her and let her know that anyhting that you do is because you care!
Make an appointment for her somewhere and tag along...tell her it can't hurt to be informed and talk to someone about it!
I keep her in my prayers
I'm sorry you have to deal with this stuff.
having sex at a relatively young age isn't necessarily bad on its own
having sex with someone you don't like that much isn't necessarily too bad on its own
it's when you put all of these together, add the lack of safety precautions plus some bulemia that it becomes a problem. your friend needs help, and just a concerned friend isn't going to cut it. the bulemia and unsafe sex are the issues you should worry the most about. tell her parents, tell a guidance counsellor... someone who can really help her, especially with the bulemia. if that is too much, the least that you really should do is push her as much as possible to start having safe sex. maybe she says she'd have an abortion now, but if it came down to it... she might be a little less happy about the idea.