In this Discussion
- jedi_grrlie June 2006
- Tempe Arizona June 2006
- thephantommilk June 2006
Damian's game show
So I have to write about stuff in a journal for Creative writing, and one of my assignments was : "If you were ever on a game show, what would it be like?"
this is what I came up with:
If I were on a game show, it would be a grammar quiz. We would be asked to choose a correct answer between “lay” and “lie,” or between “me” and “I”. We would choose the correct situations to use a semi-colon or a colon, and we’d have lightning rounds where we would guess “correct” or “incorrect” for each sentence read. Working individually, the other contestants and I would battle it out on national television by a system of points so complicated; only the host would be able to tell who won. The best part of the show would have to be the host himself, of course. Having retired from music in his “old age,” Damian Kulash, the former lead singer for the band Ok Go, would return to his first career choice and combine his people skills with his love of grammar. His only flaw would be automatically disqualifying contestants when they used the word “u tilize” or claimed that a sentence containing the word “u tilize” was correct.
The other highlight of the show would be the set. Silhouetted against a color-changing paisley backdrop, the contestants would situate themselves in a comfy, living room setting on a revolving platform, acting the part of disinterested scholars at a dinner-party. They would come off of the platform one at a time to answer questions in a variety of subjects, as follows: pronoun-antecedent agreement, dangling participles, correct diction, and a super-bonus question having to do with semiotics and the life of a rock star, which is impossible to get right unless you are Mr. Kulash himself.
I would appear on the very first episode of the show, and win the grand prize based on a lucky, last-minute question about verb tenses in Latin (yes, it makes no sense, okay?). My absolutely worthless grand-prize winnings would amount to Damian’s old semiotics textbook; wanted nowhere in the world after his college, Brown University, decided to update their version (right after Damian left, of course.). However, this wonderful game show gets cancelled after this fateful first show, due to the number of irate English teachers flooding phone lines with complaints about the u tilize/use debate and/or the unfairness of a Latin grammar question. At a loss, Damian Kulash uses his earnings to return to school and learn something useful for once in his life, while his similarly dejected textbook ends up in recycling, where it becomes, among other things, a literary magazine which people actually enjoy reading. As for me, I take away from the experience a fabulous fake plastic (roach*) brooch and the knowledge that I actually got to meet Mr. Kulash.
* I didn't actually put the roach in the journal entry, but I added it for the boards.
I don't know where I came up with half of this stuff, but there it is.
Have fun!
edit: damn the boards for automatically changing u tilize to use.
this is what I came up with:
If I were on a game show, it would be a grammar quiz. We would be asked to choose a correct answer between “lay” and “lie,” or between “me” and “I”. We would choose the correct situations to use a semi-colon or a colon, and we’d have lightning rounds where we would guess “correct” or “incorrect” for each sentence read. Working individually, the other contestants and I would battle it out on national television by a system of points so complicated; only the host would be able to tell who won. The best part of the show would have to be the host himself, of course. Having retired from music in his “old age,” Damian Kulash, the former lead singer for the band Ok Go, would return to his first career choice and combine his people skills with his love of grammar. His only flaw would be automatically disqualifying contestants when they used the word “u tilize” or claimed that a sentence containing the word “u tilize” was correct.
The other highlight of the show would be the set. Silhouetted against a color-changing paisley backdrop, the contestants would situate themselves in a comfy, living room setting on a revolving platform, acting the part of disinterested scholars at a dinner-party. They would come off of the platform one at a time to answer questions in a variety of subjects, as follows: pronoun-antecedent agreement, dangling participles, correct diction, and a super-bonus question having to do with semiotics and the life of a rock star, which is impossible to get right unless you are Mr. Kulash himself.
I would appear on the very first episode of the show, and win the grand prize based on a lucky, last-minute question about verb tenses in Latin (yes, it makes no sense, okay?). My absolutely worthless grand-prize winnings would amount to Damian’s old semiotics textbook; wanted nowhere in the world after his college, Brown University, decided to update their version (right after Damian left, of course.). However, this wonderful game show gets cancelled after this fateful first show, due to the number of irate English teachers flooding phone lines with complaints about the u tilize/use debate and/or the unfairness of a Latin grammar question. At a loss, Damian Kulash uses his earnings to return to school and learn something useful for once in his life, while his similarly dejected textbook ends up in recycling, where it becomes, among other things, a literary magazine which people actually enjoy reading. As for me, I take away from the experience a fabulous fake plastic (roach*) brooch and the knowledge that I actually got to meet Mr. Kulash.
* I didn't actually put the roach in the journal entry, but I added it for the boards.
I don't know where I came up with half of this stuff, but there it is.
Have fun!
edit: damn the boards for automatically changing u tilize to use.
Comments
(Also, I'm assuming you meant "u t i l i z e" in a bunch of that, because the boards changes it automatically to use, haha...)
You should turn that story into a mad-lib. (I'm a mad lib freak and that entertaining witty paragraph would make a kick ass mad lib.)
Lol, yes, you get a lovely roach broach as a parting gift. Oh and everytime they re-air the show, you get another roach broach in the mail. (I hear that's what happens if you're on Wheel of Fortune, everytime they re-air the ep you were on, the show sends you another parting gift)
I'll go back and change it. eventually.
You should turn that story into a mad-lib. (I'm a mad lib freak and that entertaining witty paragraph would make a kick ass mad lib.)
Lol, yes, you get a lovely roach broach as a parting gift. Oh and everytime they re-air the show, you get another roach broach in the mail. (I hear that's what happens if you're on Wheel of Fortune, everytime they re-air the ep you were on, the show sends you another parting gift)
huh. I suppose it gets re-aired a lot and becomes a cult classic, allowing me to provide all of my friends and relatives with roach brooches one christmas.
that'll be interesting.
I like the madlibs idea, too. very fun, indeed.