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break ups

edited November -1 in General Discussion
warning, this is incredibly long, and most of you probably dont care.


anyway.
hi. so i guess im going through my first real break up.

the story: the other night, i broke up with my boyfriend of two years for cheating on me and lying to me about it.

i found out in december he had kissed another girl and i tried to make things work anyway.

in february he told me there was another girl that he pecked on the lips who was just a friend and they were both confused about it. i was mad that he didnt tell me before, but i assumed it was because it didnt seem like such a big deal, so i was ok. i asked him if he had anything else to tell me, he said no. i made him swear on my life. ha.

the other night i asked and he said it was more like 4 girls he kissed, not two.

okay. thats it. no more lying. i broke up with him and after an hour or two of sobbing and whimpering, he decided to tell me one of his good friends that i trusted very much made out with him also.

5 minutes later iask again and he says that the girl he just told me about gave him a hand job too. and that another girl gave him head aaaand vice versa.

i wanted to kill him. nearly 10 girls in two years, and hes the only person ive ever kissed. whaaaaaaat.

the problem:

everytime i write all this out or tell it to someone i feel stupid for being optimistic, but this happened on sunday night/monday morning, and weve been talking a lot on the phone still. he calls me in the morning before school, during school, and after school. i was still pissed and wanted to kill him on monday..and i still am but i still feel the need to talk to him. we talked all afternoon/evening today. we watched spanish soap operas on mute, talkingover them. it was fun.

i guess we're not supposed to talk though? but, he is the only friend i have. i moved from southern california to northern california last summer and i didnt really make any friends at the highschool, so i started doing independent study.

i dont know. i dont know what im supposed to do. i guess im supposed to get over it, ha no pun intended, [man i am glad i stumbled on that one before someone replied with it] but its not really something i want to get over...i sort of just want to work it out and fix it. im still waiting for someone to tell me we can work it out. [gotta stop thinking in lyrics!]

i dont know. im sooo confused about how i feel and what i want and what im supposed to do. i have no experience with break ups or cheating or lying or anything. none of my friends have been in a relationship long enough to go through something like this. heeeeelp! [more lyrics. ahhh this is the result of music deprivation, for sure]
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Comments

  • i'm sorry, but you're ex boyfriend makes me cringe.
    what a jerk... he may be your only friend where you moved now, but you obviously are a cool girl, and you'll make other friends, you don't need him to drag you along again and again only for him to keep telling you over and over about the times he cheated on you. seriously, he may be apologetic now, but it sounds to me like he's got a major commitment issue, and you shouldn't be the one who has to help him sort it out and get hurt in the process. and i can't believe you're friend did that. that's lower than low. it's like even if i just like a guy if one of my friends made a move on him and she knew that i liked him, i'd be pretty pissed. so the fact that you were dating this guy for 2 years and then recently your friend did that, that's bad.

    so, honestly, I know it seems like he's the only one you have, but you've already tried to work it out before when he told you about only 2, but with like 10 different episodes, it's like way more serious than just a "it was nothing" thing.... I dunno, I can't say I'm a relationship expert, but I do know if a guy cheats on you more than once, he's not worth your time.
  • God! Poor you! I am so sorry you have to go through this. Break ups suck. I have had every kind of bad break up, including 2 that required restraining orders. Boys can be dumb, but not all of them are bad. Any guy that cheats is not worth your time. I know it hurts really bad now, but you are a better person that he is and you will get through it. "That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger". Again, don't think all guys are horrible, they are not, but there are a lot of jerks out there. Hang in there, it will get better. smile.gif
  • i'll karate kick him in the face if you'd like.

    actually, i'd like to karate kick him in the face whether you want that or not. what a bastard.
  • thank you all so much. i know i can get over it and i can find someone else. but mann..it just seems like what we "had" is a lot to lose, but i guess what we had was never real so i'm not really losing anything at all.

    he called his uncle, who is a bishop..and asked him for advice. and he basically told him its okay because we arent married. its okay because i live far away. its okay because hes just being human.

    um. no. cheating on someone with nearly 10 different girls, more than kissing, is not okay, whether youre married or not. ugh. im so mad. he basically said that its silly of me to be upset, because he lives far away.

    ugh thats the worst. to have someone, an adult, in a very high religious position, to tell someone that its perfectly fine and normal to hurt me so bad and so many times.
  • yeah dude. That is not right at all. He'd be sinning even if he wasn't committed. And it's never okay to hurt someone for no good reason. God, it makes me so mad that people can be so horrible to each other. But yeah, you're probably not losing much by breaking up with him. Even if he's maybe a good person at heart, just young and stupid, he's not ready for a relationship. You are obviously in a much better place as far as that goes and you deserve to have every bit of your loyalty and respect reciprocated. There are a lot of jerks out there, but there's also a lot of genuinely good guys, probably looking for genuinely good girls like you. You can look at this as an opportunity to be single and to work on being the best person you can be while being open to meeting someone who really deserves what your ex threw away. He can't hold you back anymore!
  • oh thank you julie, thats probably the best thing someone has said to me about this so far.

    Even if he's maybe a good person at heart, just young and stupid, he's not ready for a relationship.

    exactly. i wouldnt have been with him for so long and given him chances if i didnt truly believe he was a good person at heart. i was just waiting for him to grow up. i feel like maybe he has though and im gonna miss out on it. but i think hes done way too much damage to make it work at all. which makes me really sad.

    its tough.

    but thank you so much for your reply. it made a lot of sense without getting me defensive, or making me more angry at him. i appreciate it a lot.
    <3
  • julie does indeed win. that was one damn good response!
  • Aww, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I'm glad I could be of some small help.

    It's so sad how things work out sometimes, life is complicated.
  • thats awful!!

    im sorry you would EVER have to experience that..especially with a girl you trusted!!

    its disgusting, really

    i know this sounds really mean, and somewhat horrible, and a little demanding, b ut dont even talk to him!! he sounds like a sneaky little weasel...so dont let him fool you into coming back!! you're too good for it.
  • I dumped someone this weekend.
    All my friends are mad at me.
    But I can't date this guy.

    I feel like shit.
    sad.gif

    sorry, but I've not no one to talk to right now.
  • Why would your friends be mad at you? What happened? Hope you feel better. smile.gif
  • Mary, feel free to vent on here if you'd like.. we're all willing to listen.

    Hope you feel better though; you know better than your friends what's best for you.
  • dont let your friends get you down!!

    if YOU cant date him, then dont!
  • QUOTE (WeMadeShirts @ Apr 11 2005, 05:44 PM)
    Why would your friends be mad at you? What happened? Hope you feel better. smile.gif


    I don't know if I can go into details on the off chance that a friend my be reading this. sorry.
  • ah yes, the dual anonoymousness the internet provides...

    QUOTE
    I feel like shit.

    me too.

    My friends were kinda mad at me after I broke up with my boy too.
    They seemed to think I was being a bitch, though actually we broke up after talking it over for an hour.
    It's about a month ago now and I'm still not really over it.
    with me the thing was that he'd be a very good boyfriend for someone...in about 4 years. oh well.

    *gives you (and all heartaching people) a big hug, cause basically, there's nothing to say, I guess.
  • sorry for this late reply... after being with someone who cheated on me and forgiving them, and later breaking up with him, i realised what a total WANKER he was for cheating on me. he totally fucked me over, and now i'm ALWAYS paranoid about guys cheating on me cos of that little shit. but i have a wonderful boyfriend now. if i ever found out he had cheated on me i'd stab him in the face. with a spoon.
  • QUOTE (The End Has No Jen @ Jun 13 2005, 03:56 AM)
    if i ever found out he had cheated on me i'd stab him in the face. with a spoon.

    sporks are a much more effective stabbing tool...
  • yes, but i love him so its more the fact i'd want to stab him to get rid of my anger, just not inflict any real pain haha.
  • I thought you would want to stab him with a spoon because being impaled with a spoon would surely be more painful than being stabbed with a knife. Think about it.
  • yea but i'm not that strong annd i dont think i could break the skin haha. therefoer it'd be more like viscious poking blink.gif
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