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shut up and kiss me

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  • things might be happenin as soon as monday!
  • hes gettin the skins.
  • stupid. stupid. stupiddddd.
    i like someone i shouldn't. not because he's not a good person or a nice guy or whatever... but because of the awkwardness it'll create with our mutual friends if anything were to ever happen. he's fresh out of a serious, long term relationship, however, he and i have always had a zillion things in common and now it's okay for me to have a crush on him like i have for as long as i can remember. i'm confused because the other night nothing big or serious happened, but my friend and i went over to his house... he's in a band and he lives with another guy in the band so we were all drinking and playing apples to apples (at like 2am) and dancing around the basement to mj for hours. it was SO fun. he laid out a bed for all of us, and i was next to him, i didn't want to do anything because i didn't want to push boundaries, he got up and then ended up being the big spoon to my little spoon, and then he grabbed my hand and held it...
    blink.gif mellow.gif
    10 minutes later, he gets up to get us water and invited anyone who wanted to come upstairs, i just laid there because i knew better... i laid on the floor with my roommate/friend and the other 2 guys that we were hanging out with were spread out around us


    BUT. part of me wanted to go sleep with him (not SLEEP with him, but continue the lovely spoon fest) but i know a big part of it was b/c we were drunk, but another part of me wishes and hopes he may like me too.


    i'm so confused and it's one of the many things that keep my mind racing at night sad.gif
  • Well Iiii think that his "open invite" was definitely geared towards you, my love rolleyes.gif I bet he was thinking "Damn, I should have just stayed downstairs...or made it more OBVIOUS I wanted HER to come" Yeaaaaa you know it.

    I'd say go for it this Wednesday biggrin.gif
  • I totally suck at all things related to this.
  • the boy who is currently occupying my ever racing mind:

    image
  • QUOTE (Courtneytastic @ Apr 14 2008, 06:40 PM)
    I totally suck at all things related to this.

    It's alright dear, I do too.

    Katie:
    My advice (though its not from experience at all) to you is to go for it - it seems like you've got a shot with this guy and don't let potential awkwardness with mutual friends hold you back. As long as you are able to recognize your limits in terms of PDA and avoid other blatant gestures portraying your relationship with the guy when you are with mutual friends, then things will be fine. Also, if you keep a good balance between spending time with boy and spending time with friends, I think you'll be set. Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best!
  • my girlfriend of 2.5 years left me. i wont get to see her untill the 8th. im not sure what to do. all i know is im depressed. beyond depressed really. i hate being this helpless. i wish she would just call me. or answer when i call. i should just let her be untill i see her. but its so hard to not think about her. ive googled ways to get over her, theyre not helping out much. i wish i could be happy again. we'll see what happens when she comes back right? yeah. i guess so. FUCK. i just want to cut my arm off and hit myself with it just so it stops feeling so bad.
  • oh, one stupid thing that i HATE is when guys wear the baggiest pants
    they look like they were from back when the guy was morbidly obese and he still hasn't bought new clothes
    because they are practically falling down to his ankles and force him to walk like he still is morbidly obese and can't properly move his legs back and forth and instead has to swing them out to the side and then forward

    so stupid.

    (sorry for the ranting)
  • QUOTE (sweetness @ Jan 1 2009, 01:19 AM)
    my girlfriend of 2.5 years left me. i wont get to see her untill the 8th. im not sure what to do. all i know is im depressed. beyond depressed really. i hate being this helpless. i wish she would just call me. or answer when i call. i should just let her be untill i see her. but its so hard to not think about her. ive googled ways to get over her, theyre not helping out much. i wish i could be happy again. we'll see what happens when she comes back right? yeah. i guess so. FUCK. i just want to cut my arm off and hit myself with it just so it stops feeling so bad.



    poor joe

    *hug*
  • QUOTE (sweetness @ Jan 1 2009, 02:19 AM)
    my girlfriend of 2.5 years left me. i wont get to see her untill the 8th. im not sure what to do. all i know is im depressed. beyond depressed really. i hate being this helpless. i wish she would just call me. or answer when i call. i should just let her be untill i see her. but its so hard to not think about her. ive googled ways to get over her, theyre not helping out much. i wish i could be happy again. we'll see what happens when she comes back right? yeah. i guess so. FUCK. i just want to cut my arm off and hit myself with it just so it stops feeling so bad.


    Ah fuck. I'm so sorry.
  • thanks guys, i hate being such a whiney bitch. but i miss her a ton, shes my best friend and i would really hate to lose that too. i hate having to wait for her to get home. poooooooooooo



    yes. poo.
  • *hugs* Hope you feel happier soon Joe, love.
  • sorry you feel so bad right now.
    don't know if it will help at all, but maybe try to think of all the
    things you can do now that you couldn't when you were in a relationship
    idk, it might just be a stupid idea...

    anyway, feel better
  • Joe, I'm so sorry. All I can say is that I've been where you are right now, and I promise it does get better.

    ::HUGS::
  • thanks doofman, but theres nothing i want to do tat i couldnt do before. i suppose i can chase women and drink lots of scotch now...


    thanks rozay (thats rachel's name untill i can think of something better) just need to keep busy or ill relapse and start calling her every 5 seconds.
  • I'm really sorry, Joe. I hope everything works out the way you want it to, but more importantly the way that's best for you.
  • QUOTE (sweetness @ Jan 3 2009, 10:13 PM)
    thanks doofman, but theres nothing i want to do tat i couldnt do before. i suppose i can chase women and drink lots of scotch now...


    well, yeah, that's sorta' what i was thinking,
    but it doesn't sound very good when you put it like that

    please don't drink all the scotch though!
    save some for the rest of us!
  • almost 2 weeks and it doesnt get easier. maybe in another 2 weeks. i still dont understand it. i dont know how we went from 'ill love you forever' on a perfect friday in bed to this. the point where i cant even talk to her. where she wont answer me. where she would rather be with someone else. i thought she was better then this. was i wrong? is there something wrong with me? something undesireable?

    i dont have any answers. i have some hope left for the future. but its not realistic. probably. ive learned my lesson, thursday was a mistake. i wish i could take it all back. i put a lot of thought into what i was going to do, what i was going to say. but none of it mattered. i hate guys with fauxhawks and like high school music. seeing her and him was the hardest thing i ever had to see. seeing them walk away. together. leaving me alone. alone. ALONE. with nothing, nobody. i was out in the cold untill i could get out of that hellhole and try to move on. the bus eventually came. but i never left that hellhole. i havent moved on, its only been a day, but how could i ever move on? i was going to marry her. and she had every intention of marrying me. or at least she did untill he showed up. what does he have that i dont? and why couldnt she just be honest with me? why couldnt she tell me what was going on inside her? why just abandon me when i needed her the most. i needed her so much. ive hit a rough patch in my life, and i thought i would be ok as long as i had her to help me. but i dont. i needed her friendship and i cant even have that. i wish i knew what to do. i wish i knew how to move on. sometimes i feel like im beggining to be ok. sometimes i feel angry and betrayed, sometimes i feel claustrophobic, sometimes im afraid of open spaces. sometimes i feel like i can move on and i can be happy, but those moments dont last. mostly i feel confused, and sad, and abandoned, and i feel lied to, i feel like theres something wrong with me, who else can i blame right? i had every oportinity to be a good person and to be a good pertner to her. i dont know what i did wrong, i dont know how to fix it. i dont know anything. im not even sure it can be fixed. i mnot sure i can be fixed. i want her back even if she is a shallow bitch. i dont want to speak badly of her, maybe its paranoia or just insecurities about myself. but can you blame me? losing someone like this after all the time i invested and all the sacrifices i made for her, it breaks your spirit, it crushes your self esteem and you feel like nothing, like a nobody, like you could never find anyone else. i hate it. i hate complaining. i hate being sad, i hate being angry, i hate hating. i hate most things. i dont want to hate anymore. i want to live again, i want to be able to think about other things, i want to be able to sleep again, i want to be able to eat again. i wish i was an alcoholic, i wish i was a different person alltogether. its not easy for someone like me to find another person. im not an easy person to love, i think certain things about the way i live make it harder for someone to love me and for me to love someone. im sick. physically sick, and probably really sick inside too. i want it all to stop.
  • Have you considered seeing a therapist, just for a little while? This is going to be very hard and trying to suppress emotion or "get over it" as quickly as possible might only lead to repressing emotions. Believe me, having a neutral third party to listen to you is incredibly helpful. It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of looking to feel better and of having someone who can help you find ways to move forward.

    Just remember in the meanwhile that there's NOTHING wrong with you. It's going to hurt for a while,and that part really does suck, but it will (albeit slowly) begin to get better.
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