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Comments
I still haven't written my story. It requires some concentration at school, but things have been kind of crazy. Hopefully I'll be able to do it tomorrow.
I have a roomate in my trailer on the Rez. Friday night, we decided to do some big time cooking. We went through the cabinets to see what sort of condiments were available. When I opened the cabinet next to the stove, I saw on the top shelf a box of Morton's Iodized Salt and started laughing hysterically. She thought something was wrong, I couldn't explain to her why I adore Morton Iodized Salt so much
Trying so hard ...
Biting tongue ...
Oh my God ...
Lol I think we all knew but were pretending we didn't
Why does Hulk Hogan have a show??
Isn't there a thread just for that purpose?
Sheri,
Well, seeing as we know that Dan doesn't really like professional wrestling (I believe because he dislikes how women are portrayed on it and I can't really fault him for that), I think we need to pick a different show. Possibly Run's House? You know, where Reverend Run dishes out advice to his unappreciative family while being one of the founding fathers of Hip Hop?
Not that I've watched Run's House more than 3 or 4 times or anything, so I don't really know how accurate a description is (aside from the whole founding father of hip hop business), but still.
I wasn't there, but I still think that comment was a joke. He said something about not liking the "extreme violence and sexual portrayal of women" if I'm remembering correctly, and it seems to me that's pure Dan Smartassism.
Owner of Little Damian:
"I really wasn't feeling well. I think I caught a cold from someone at school, so I decided to go to bed early. The Teenys promised to be quiet and watch some tv. They sat together on the floor below the coffee table, junk food sprawled within easy reach.
Runty Rusty flipped through tv guide, and found a description he liked, "Scientific Frontiers is on. They're having a special about humanoids." He grabbed the remote. They all sat there watching the show. Runty Rusty was completely emersed. After awhile, Tiny Tim let out a hearty yawn. Diminutive Dan stared away from the tv, distracted, pounding a soft beat on the floor with his palms.
"Nova's better," Little Damian declared.
"Nuh-uh," Runty Rusty insisted. "They never do stories like this."
"I think we should watch MTV," Little Damian continued.
"Really?" Tiny Tim asked. "But MTV is dead."
"That's the whole point. There's so much great lameness on MTV to make fun of!" Little Damian snatched the remote. Before he could get to MTV, the Science Fiction channel came on. "Ooo, flying saucers."
"Let's watch that then," Tiny Tim said. "Wait, isn't it time for "The Golden Girls?'"
"You watch 'The Golden Girls,' Tim?" Little Damian said half laughing.
"I do too," Dan said. He took the remote from Little Damian and put on Lifetime.
"Ooo, a commericial," they all sang.
After a few minutes, Little Damian shrugged. "Well, that commercial wasn't very realistic."
After that show was over, Runty Rusty wanted to watch Food network. "They're having a story on corned beef sandwiches!" He switched the channel.
"Wait," Tiny Tim said. "A really good movie's about to come on!"
Diminutive Dan ignored both of them, "Hogan's Rules is on!"
Tiny Tim got annoyed, "You don't like professional wrestling. The movie I wanna see is better."
"What about the story on corned beef sandwhiches?" Runty Rusty chimed in.
"Look, a show about psychics" Little Damian said, ignoring the rest of his bandmates as he changed the channel.
"Hulk's show has nothing to do with wrestling," Diminutive Dan said. "On the show, he bosses around his ungreatful family."
"I've got a couple of ungreatful bandmates that could use some bossing around," Little Damian muttered.
"What are you trying to say?" Runty Rusty asked Little Damian.
"I mean all of you, quite down!"
"I say corned beef!"
"Quit making me hungry," Tiny Tim said.
"What about the Hulk?"
"This psychic's about to channel Elvis and ask him about Lisa Marie's marriage to Michael Jackson," Little Damian insisted.
"I want to watch a movie!" Tiny Tim insisted.
A disagreement broke out, which became a bicker, then a squabble. I was awoken by the rumble of voices arguing. I could barely get myself out of bed, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep till the noise stopped. Reluctantly, I threw on my bathrobe, with tissues stuffed in the pockets, and my hair a wild mess.
"What is going on here?" I shouted over them in a scratchy illness-ladened voice.
They all stopped and looked up at me. "You look terrible," Little Damian said.
I chose to ignore that, and continued, "What's all the noise? You said you would do quiet Teeny things."
Diminutive Dan shrugged, "We can't decided on a show to watch."
"Which would you rather watch?" Runty Rusty asked me, "A crusty old movie or a show on delicious corned beef?"
"Well, who says corned beef is so exciting?" Tiny Tim asked.
"Come on people! Psychics!--Hey, they're gonna talk about psychic chickens!"
"I'm concerned about all you people's insanity if this keeps up," I said. I grabbed the remote and switched off the tv. "If you can't decide on one program, then try no program."
"Ah, she's tough," Diminutive Dan said.
"Yeah, that was kinda harsh," Tiny Tim told me.
"Sorta mean, don't ya think?" Runty Rusty said.
"You know this whole thing wouldn't be a problem if you had enough tvs for all of us," Little Damian said matter-of-factly.
"I'm going to bed," I grumbled.
The Teeny's decided to go make snacks and watch tv later. Finally, I was able to get some rest!"
I like Runty's obsession with scientific stuff and corned beef
"Little Damian was acting funny, funnier than usual that is. I asked the other Teenies what was wrong with him.
"Wrong?!" Little Damian demanded. "Nothing's wrong."
"Well, then," I said, "Why are you pacing around the counter so furiously.
"Uh," Tiny Tim said to me, "You're forgetting something."
"Something important!" Little Damian insisted.
"Time for you to get a haircut?" Runty Rusty suggested.
He glared at Runty Rusty for a second, then continued to pace around.
Diminutive Dan finally told me, "It's Damian's birthday."
"It is?!" I exclaimed.
"You forgot!" Little Damian yowled.
"Well, then, we've got to have a party for you," I said cheerily.
Little Damian seized on the idea. As I prepared the party favors, Little Damian forced the other Teenies to build him a cotton ball castle.
Alittle while later, the telephone rang. I answered it, then looked, stupified, toward Little Damian. "Uh," I said, "...It's for you." I handed Little Damian the phone, confused. Apparently, he had ordered pizza, a clown, acrobats and possibly an elephant.
"Absolutely not!" I insisted.
"Come on, an elephant can't make that much trouble," Runty Rusty urged.
"Not the elephant, I mean the clowns! No clowns!" I shouted.
"Fine, I'll cancel the clown," Little Damian muttered, staring in the mirror, satisfied that I hadn't canceled his other arrangements.
"Oh my gosh, I've got a pimple on my birthday!" He shouted. "Oh, wait, that's just a ketchup stain."
While Little Damian was busy grooming himself, Tiny Tim and Diminutive Dan helped me make a cake.
"Can't you get Julianne Moore to jump out of the cake?" Little Damian asked.
"Not out of a cake this small," I said. I was trying to bake a cake small enough to fit into a cupcake holder, but big enough for Little Damian to have all to himself.
"Isn't anyone gonna jump out of the cake? Tim you do it," Little Damian said.
"Uh, I would jump into eating cake not out of a cake."
"Fine." Little Damian turned toward Diminutive Dan. "Dan, give me a hand--"
"With what?"
"You didn't let me finish. Give me a hand massage,' Little Damian said.
"Uh, I think I've lost one of my drumsticks I gotta go find it." Dimutive Dan scooched away as fast as he could.
Little Damian looked at Runty Rusty, trying to come up with some demand. Instead Runty Rusty looked up at him and said, "Wanna help me play a new computer game I've developed?" They play for awhile. Every now and then, Little Damian would jump up and point to different ingredients in the kitchen, insisting which ones should go into the cake.
"Maybe we should've just ignored him and pretended it wasn't his birthday," I muttered.
Luckily the pizza showed up, but the acrobats and elephant didn't. The time came to open presents.
Diminutive Dan got Little Damian his own can of Pringles to roll down the hallway in and to meditate in. "I thought it'd be a nice place for you to write songs in too," Diminutive Dan said proudly.
"Thanks, Dan!" Little Damian said happily.
Runty Rusty got Little Damian his own pair of spoons to ski down the sugar mound at the back to the pantry. The same mound of sugar that I constantly clean up, only to find that the Teenies purposefully knock over all over again.
Tiny Tim got to his feet and went to a cabinet. He pulled out something for Little Damian that he had bought on a late night infomercial. "It's a set of postage stamps with celebrity faces on them!" Tiny Tim said proudly.
"Er, thanks, Tim," Little Damian muttered.
"No, wait, you haven't heard the best part yet. Each month, for six months, you'll receive in the mail a set of stamps with celebrity faces on them. And if it's not the best collection you've ever had, you can return it, no questions asked."
Little Damian didn't know how to react. Instead, he looked up at me, waiting for a present. "Uh," I said. "I kinda forgot."
He looked sort of hurt. "I'm sorry!" I said. "I'm not good with birthdays. What can I do to make it up to you--Wait, I've got an idea." I went into my room, and reached for something at the very back of the closet. I took some old newpaper lying on the floor and wrapped up the gift.
Little Damian greedily ripped the package open. He found a little remote control yacht.
"This is so fucking awesome!" He shouted.
"Ah, I'm glad you like it. My aunt sent it to me for Christmas last year. I hated it and tossed it in the back of my clothes closet.
So, I filled up the kitchen sink with water, and the Teenies spent the rest of the afternoon sailing in Little Damian's new mini-yacht."
"This is so fucking awesome!" He shouted.
I want Tim to jump out of MY birthday cake!
Damian sure likes his birthdays, huh?
And I'd probably want him to jump out of my cake too. I'm not gonna lie.