shut up and kiss me

circlenepal20

Why the hell do I care? Spending a few days with him really changed my whole outlook on the whole thing and I was totally fine with it.

Until he stopped paying attention to me. Now all of a sudden I care again? Why? I don't want him. At all, so why do I care if he pays attention to me or not. I guess cause no one else is?? I dunno. It's dumb. I don't want him, but I want him to want me? In what world does that make sense?

He started posting a lot more on the boards where we met. He hardly ever used to post. But now it's like "Hey look, I'm on the internet, but I'm not talking to you!!!" Which I doubt is his intention, but that's how it feels.

I'm never gonna get this guy thing right! My feelings are stupid.

canoe7grape

QUOTE (Wolf359 @ Sep 11 2007, 08:45 AM)

Until he stopped paying attention to me. Now all of a sudden I care again? Why? I don't want him. At all, so why do I care if he pays attention to me or not. I guess cause no one else is?? I dunno. It's dumb. I don't want him, but I want him to want me? In what world does that make sense?

Story of my life... I'm sorry Wolf... it sucks when it seems like your happiness relies on someone so stupid and that doesn't deserve your attention... at least thats my take on it. And I HATE feeling like that... like, I do NOT want him, do not like him, none of that, but WHY OH WHY doesn't HE like ME?



blah. vicious cycle.

circlenepal20

Yeah, that's totally where I"m stuck right now. I recognize that a lot of my feelings are wrong, but I don't know how to change them. I try to act according to how I know I should, not how I feel, but I end up just bottling up the feelings and then they explode and I do even stupider things.

I just don't know how to change.

circlenepal20

Ok, so the emails got farther and farther apart and then Wednesday I said no more, and just didn't reply to the last one he sent. So for 4 whole days nothing. I didn't ignore him on the board, but there was no extra-boardicular contact at all. So last night at 8:30 I get an email from him. It's kinda hard to follow. I used to swear his backspace key was broken, but turns out he just doesn't care. Anyway, the email's disjointed and hard to follow, but that's not untypical. Also that would be 6:30 his time and he has his daughter so I doubt he ws drunk which was my initial thought.

So I'm just getting to the point where I don't push the "check mail" button every second, and I'm okay with not talking to him all day long. Is he trying to reestablish that or was he drunk at 6:30 with his kid or am I overanalyzing or what.

I haven't responded yet. I'm not sure how.

tune1shade

My boyfriend is going to Norway for the next 10 days. This will be the first time we've gone without talking pretty much every day since we started dating over a year ago (fuck time goes by fast).

Of course, this coincides with the time when my body is raging with hormones (I never used to be this bad. I swear to god it's the Pill. As much as I love being fetus-free, my pre-period panic has increased tenfold, and I'm already pretty paranoid). So, in my head I know I'm being a pussy; it's not a big deal, it's not like I'm alone and abandoned and fuck it's only ten days. So, why am I having so much trouble with this? Not to mention that I'm convinced my best friend is pissed at me. Is there any reason why I should think this? No. I am just paranoid. By Wednesday, I'll be back to (semi)normal, but this past week has been a bitch.

Also, why can't I stop singing "The Sign?" I guess that's the real question that needs to be addressed. (Answer: It's been stuck in my head since I saw a video of John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats singing a cover, complete with dance moves. Fuck I love that man.)

canoe7grape

QUOTE (Wolf359 @ Sep 17 2007, 09:29 AM)

Ok, so the emails got farther and farther apart and then Wednesday I said no more, and just didn't reply to the last one he sent. So for 4 whole days nothing. I didn't ignore him on the board, but there was no extra-boardicular contact at all. So last night at 8:30 I get an email from him. It's kinda hard to follow. I used to swear his backspace key was broken, but turns out he just doesn't care. Anyway, the email's disjointed and hard to follow, but that's not untypical. Also that would be 6:30 his time and he has his daughter so I doubt he ws drunk which was my initial thought.

So I'm just getting to the point where I don't push the "check mail" button every second, and I'm okay with not talking to him all day long. Is he trying to reestablish that or was he drunk at 6:30 with his kid or am I overanalyzing or what.

I haven't responded yet. I'm not sure how.

Yuck... I can't even begin to try and give you advice... I'd like to THINK he wasn't drunk, but just tired... but do you think you need to respond? I dunno... I'm finding that cutting off the manthrax in my life is VERY fulfilling... and he doesn't occupy my thoughts hardly at all anymore




Right now. I don't even know what to think about anyone. seriously.

circlenepal20

Well, it's just the level of inferred vulnerability that makes me think he was drunk. It wasn't the poor spelling or lack of structure to the email, those are typical. It just seemed like he missed me or something. Perhaps I'm inferring what isn't really there. That's a huge possibility.

I just want him to cry in the corner because we're not together is that too much to ask??

It's really not near as big a deal as I'm making it. I just had to vent about it. And I do that here because anywhere else and it will get back to him.

I did reply. It felt rude not to. I waited half a day though. No more than that. I replied about 11, and he sent it 8:30 last night.
And now i'm screwed. I care way too much. suck. He replied again. I guess I did ask him a whole bunch of questions. Crap. I want to know what's going on with him, but I can't stand around and watch him make bad choice after bad choice after bad choice. I used to feel sorry for him because his life sucks, but it sucks because he keeps making terrrible decisions and has to reap the consequences.

Like right now, he lost his second job a couple months ago when they started closing earlier eliminating his shift. Ok, he didn't get a new second job, so money was tight, but he was making it. Now his roommate moved out, and he can't move in just anyone cause he's got a kid and all that jazz. So he talks about getting a second job... since he lost the first one, but he hasn't done it. So then he applies for this job within his company that's about 4 rungs up the latter from his current position, he's totally not qualified for it, he's not gonna get it, but he's not looking for a second job either because he's "working on this promotion." Get real dude. Even if he had a good shot at it he shouldn't put all his eggs in one basket!! Ya know, if you get a job and the promotion you don't have to take the job!!! He's a supreme idiot. He does dumbass stuff like this all the freaking time. OH, and don't get me started on the baby momma drama. Jeez Louise. She totally uses the kid to ruin his life and he just lets it happen instead of saying "no, I have plans tonight, tonight is your night to watch her" If you're sitting at home watching the tube, fine, watch your kid. But if you've had plans with me for 2 months (and I live 3 states away and get to see you twice a year), don't tell me you gotta stop and go get her! UGGGHH!!!!

mleh. I'm venting again. I really don't care. Can you tell?

circlenepal20

QUOTE (tonetoile @ Sep 17 2007, 09:42 AM)

Of course, this coincides with the time when my body is raging with hormones (I never used to be this bad. I swear to god it's the Pill. As much as I love being fetus-free, my pre-period panic has increased tenfold, and I'm already pretty paranoid).

Hmm. What pill do you take and how long have you been on it? There's some pills that are supposed to help with that. I just got started on Yaz 2 months ago. It says it's used to treat PMDD. I'm not saying that's what you got, but if it helps with PMDD surely it helps with regular PMS too. Might be worth asking.

That's all the advice I have, sorry. It's not much. I'll be glad when my body gets used to it though. I'm a wee bit late right now. I'm not worried yet, but GOD I hope I'm fetus-free. I sure as hell don't want to deal with that ^^^ for the next 18 years!!!! But I didn't miss any pills and nothing broke so I should be good. I"m sure it's just the pill.

tune1shade

Any advice is good advice and very much appreciated Wolf.

I'm on Tri-Sprintec, but next month I'll be on Tri-Cyclen (is there even a difference? I'm usually on Tri-Sprintec when I'm in the States and Tri-Cyclen in Canada. Whooo). Is Yaz the one where you go three months without having a period? For some reason, it makes me nervous. I prefer to bleed once a month just to make sure I'm baby-free. However, besides that, I have heard good things about it.

I wasn't aware of PMDD so I've jsut now looked up symptoms. I have a lot of the sympoms, but it definitely doesn't interfere with my daily life. I always figured it was just strong PMS. I just get super moody and angry and have learned to realize that it's really all in my head. It seems to be just a matter of figuring out what's actually going on and what I think is going on.

circlenepal20

No no no, I forget what the 3 month--- Seasonelle. It just hit me. No, I bleed every month, but it only has 4 inactive pills instead of 7 so my periods are supposedly shorter. Or course the first month I bled the whole month, and now this month I'm late(ish). Go figure.

I've never heard of Tri-Sprintec, but I was on Tri-Cyclen for years. Maybe it is the same thing, who knows.

That's good it's not interfering. So figuring it out helps? Often times I know in head what's real, but what I feel is very different. That can be frustrating.

canoe7grape

QUOTE (Wolf359 @ Sep 17 2007, 02:01 PM)

Well, it's just the level of inferred vulnerability that makes me think he was drunk. It wasn't the poor spelling or lack of structure to the email, those are typical. It just seemed like he missed me or something. Perhaps I'm inferring what isn't really there. That's a huge possibility.

I just want him to cry in the corner because we're not together is that too much to ask??

It's really not near as big a deal as I'm making it. I just had to vent about it. And I do that here because anywhere else and it will get back to him.

I did reply. It felt rude not to. I waited half a day though. No more than that. I replied about 11, and he sent it 8:30 last night.
And now i'm screwed. I care way too much. suck. He replied again. I guess I did ask him a whole bunch of questions. Crap. I want to know what's going on with him, but I can't stand around and watch him make bad choice after bad choice after bad choice. I used to feel sorry for him because his life sucks, but it sucks because he keeps making terrrible decisions and has to reap the consequences.

Like right now, he lost his second job a couple months ago when they started closing earlier eliminating his shift. Ok, he didn't get a new second job, so money was tight, but he was making it. Now his roommate moved out, and he can't move in just anyone cause he's got a kid and all that jazz. So he talks about getting a second job... since he lost the first one, but he hasn't done it. So then he applies for this job within his company that's about 4 rungs up the latter from his current position, he's totally not qualified for it, he's not gonna get it, but he's not looking for a second job either because he's "working on this promotion." Get real dude. Even if he had a good shot at it he shouldn't put all his eggs in one basket!! Ya know, if you get a job and the promotion you don't have to take the job!!! He's a supreme idiot. He does dumbass stuff like this all the freaking time. OH, and don't get me started on the baby momma drama. Jeez Louise. She totally uses the kid to ruin his life and he just lets it happen instead of saying "no, I have plans tonight, tonight is your night to watch her" If you're sitting at home watching the tube, fine, watch your kid. But if you've had plans with me for 2 months (and I live 3 states away and get to see you twice a year), don't tell me you gotta stop and go get her! UGGGHH!!!!

mleh. I'm venting again. I really don't care. Can you tell?

I don't blame you for wanting him to be sitting in a corner, weeping over the fact you aren't in a relationship with him... I can relate all too well... While the guy, my manthrax is 22 and without a kid, he dropped out of school and moved about an hour away for a job promotion... he works as a manager of a Sunglass Hut. So, basically, he left his dreams of a telecommunication degree behind for this whimsical job... which, I really don't think will take him far, but whatever. His actions totally ruled my life a few years ago, and a little bit last year too... which I'm like, "Why the hell did I let that shit slide??!" but it's just like... it's forced me to take an outside perspective, and I could never, I dont' think, ever completely cut him out of my life... like you, you didn't want to NOT reply to his email... when Shawn calls me, or messages me, or whatever, I don't completely ignore him but... eh. I just dont' know...

and the baby mama drama. NO. THANKS. I hate manipulative bitches like that. That's absolutely ridiculous. I'm sorry Wolfie



as far as B.C goes... haha I'm on Yaz too! I love it! I had PMS and it SOMETIMES got extreme a week before Aunt Flo came to visit, but ever since I've switched to Yaz, the only kind of emotional problems I have is I'm a little more sensitive and would cry randomly about something so little... but not be upset or anything... and I was like, 3 days late when I first started... my body is still getting used to it since I've only been on it for like 2 months now, almost 3... but I still love it. Haha.

canoe7grape

ick. double post. my b.

circlenepal20

Yeah, manipulative bitches suck, but I really can't feel bad for him because he lets it happen. Any time she says can you? he drops his life and does it. But when he asks, always way in advance, she says yes and then finds some reason between now and then that she can't do it. When we were supposed to go to Vegas she said she'd watch her, and then scheduled surgery for the day before we were going to leave. Well he took care of that one, but uggghhh... Oh well. He feels like he's doing this great service for his daughter or some shit like that, but when he's perpetuating the mom's bitchiness. But he acts like she's going to stranded out on the street in the snow if he doesn't go get her right now.

Ughh... I'm really done. I am. Ya know. Till he replies again. Uggg.

Oh, but on the bright side, I'm definitely fetus-free. We have confirmation!! Like I said, I was careful, so I wasn't worried, but confirmation is always good!!!

circlenepal20

24 hours and his stupidity has already pissed me off twice.
I gotta pull away again.

canoe7grape

QUOTE (Wolf359 @ Sep 17 2007, 04:51 PM)

Yeah, manipulative bitches suck, but I really can't feel bad for him because he lets it happen. Any time she says can you? he drops his life and does it. But when he asks, always way in advance, she says yes and then finds some reason between now and then that she can't do it. When we were supposed to go to Vegas she said she'd watch her, and then scheduled surgery for the day before we were going to leave. Well he took care of that one, but uggghhh... Oh well. He feels like he's doing this great service for his daughter or some shit like that, but when he's perpetuating the mom's bitchiness. But he acts like she's going to stranded out on the street in the snow if he doesn't go get her right now.

Ughh... I'm really done. I am. Ya know. Till he replies again. Uggg.

Oh, but on the bright side, I'm definitely fetus-free. We have confirmation!! Like I said, I was careful, so I wasn't worried, but confirmation is always good!!!

Ahh, I see what you mean... but at least he's a caring father... that's the worst though... where the dad will do anything for the kid, but the mom just uses it against him. So... did she completely ruin your trip to Vegas though? Or what ended up happening?

I love when I convince myself I'm "done" or "over it", but I always add "til' i hear back from him" at the end...


but! you're fetus free! yay!

circlenepal20

No, she didn't ruin it, although she tried. We did a good enough job of that ourselves. It's a long story and kinda stupid. The decision was mutual, kind of. We both wanted it, just not at the same time. I still went. I had a freaking blast!

He is a very caring and devoted father. That was one of the things I found attractive about him. But he's also none too bright, and the poor kid is already suffering for it. Poor thing doesn't have a chance. Her mother's a vindictive bitch and her father's a blithering idiot!

Anyway, the plan is just to do what I did last time. Put more and more time between emails and then just stop. Cause ya know, that worked so well for me last time.

tune1shade

QUOTE (Wolf359 @ Sep 17 2007, 08:51 PM)

Oh, but on the bright side, I'm definitely fetus-free. We have confirmation!! Like I said, I was careful, so I wasn't worried, but confirmation is always good!!!

Congrats on the non-baby! My friends and I would joke that the week before our period was "phantom baby week." Come the end of the week, we'd drink to the phantom baby; no phantom baby, no phantom fetal alcohol syndrome.

circlenepal20

I like it!! *raises glass*

Here's to another wasted egg!!

KristaMichelle

Dear dude who "wants to get to know me better",

First. You're right, you ARE trying too hard. Second, wtf made you think I don't want to get to know you? Even if I don't particularly like you in that way, I'm still perfectly happy to be your friend. It's just really annoying when you tell me at least once during EVERY CONVERSATION we have that you're paranoid. I get it. Shut up already. And just because I don't want to go to the movies with everyone this weekend does not mean I am blowing you off. I just don't do things, ever, whether you'll be there or not. All my actions do not revolve around you. Yesterday you said you respected that I'm tired, but today I get a random message from you that opens with "So... if you don't want me to bother you anymore, I won't." I just don't get you, man. I think you've somehow gotten the impression that I'm someone that, in reality, I'm really not.

I'm already starting to really dislike you, and at this rate, if things don't change, I'll just stop answering your e-mails altogether.

Sincerely,
That girl from the cast of "Oklahoma"

veinleo09

Ugh, good luck with that idiot Krista!